Hi-ho silver, is what I say!

As I sit here and listen to Apache by the Sugarhill Gang, I am reminded that Mardi Gras starts in less than 2 weeks! whooooooooooooooooohooooooooooo. (why does this song remind me of mardi gras? I honestly don't remember. lol I just remember how I want to do the fresh prince dance there.)
I'm suddenly getting excited. I dunno why it's always felt so fun to me, but I realized how much I missed it and I'm glad to be going back. KC and the sunshine band, anyone? fo shizzle.

Yeah so I am still slightly upset over this crap with Johnny. Not many know about it b/c I'm not really feeling like discussing it with many people. But I don't think we're getting along very well at the moment. well obviously. This is hard. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It's so stupid too. See what happens when I finally want to be with someone, someone who I've liked for a reeeeaaalllllly long time, and who I want to feel special to? It all turns out bad! WHY? Because I had to be a slut and let it go too far. Dahhhhhhhhh. I hate myself sometimes. Wow, it all happened so fast. Fuuuck. Not that I regret anything, I just wish it was handled different. But nooooooo, I'm an idiot who acted more on feelings than on brains. Yeah, I get it. My fault. But still, why does it have to screw up what we potentially have now? Slow down????? It hurts so bad to be told that for some reason. Why? I have no fucking clue. Honestly. Maybe it's because it's almost like being told that someone doesn't want to be close to you anymore. Which is basically what it's felt like for a while now, like he doesn't want to be close to me anymore (or "just for a while") and like he's kinda not into the whole idea of having a relationship with me anymore. I can totally see it too. It's like ever since the whole "let's slow it down" talk, he's been avoiding me on that level and on a personal level too. I wish he would just talk to me if he had a problem. See what happens when I let someone in? I always get hurt in the end. I never meant to be a burden to him, which is what I now completely feel like. Doesn't make any sense... We've only been dating for 3 fucking weeks! This has to get better... It just has to. I want it to. I'll make it better. Unless this is really what he wants. Then I'll just feel a little used, a little pissed, and a whole lot sad.

Whoa, taking a step away from that...
To my complete and utter surprise, Matt has been extremely supportive at the moment. I can actually talk to him about my problems, he isn't getting upset about hearing about it, and he's just been a total sweetheart and really nice and checking up on me to see how I'm feeling or if anything has changed. Well, I feel a bit better now, nothing much has changed, and I'm really happy that Matt's still a good friend.

He called me last night from his friend's house... They were both drunk. Ah, drunk calls are the best, aren't they? I laughed a lot last night.. I really needed that.
Oh and apparently Matt thinks I'm a goddess who deserves to have every guy out there.. or at least that's what the alcohol told him to say. Whatever. It was hilarious. I appreciate it. But goddess? Wow.

Current thought at the moment:
I hate valentine's day. Love is overrated.

Oh wait... No it's not.
I'M JUST BITTER AGAIN! That's all.